Category: Principles of Energetics

What is spiritual ego

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With an overflow of different “spiritual” paths and techniques on the “market” today, it can be particularly confusing to both experienced and new minds when deciding on which road to take. If you bring into the equation general recommendation to stick to one school – as constant jumping between is impediment to real progress – one may feel lost and eventually demotivated from cultivating dedicated practice.

We should start by aligning on the ultimate “goal” – which is that of liberation. There are different paths that lead to liberation, however, there are even more paths that lead nowhere. In order to differentiate between those, one needs to cultivate a meticulous habit of keeping the ego in check. Ego will play all tricks up its sleeve in order to avoid its own dissolution – and liberation implies dissolution of the ego.

The direction of any true practice is toward untangling the layers of illusion thus overcoming the false sense of self.

p.s. ego = the false sense of self

Although it is still an over-simplified statement, it does provide a good baseline for doing frequent checks while we progress, in order to make sure we are on track. We want to make sure of the direction we are heading. Is my practice lessening the grips of my conditioning and identification with temporary concepts that the ego mistakenly takes for its own identity, for the big “I”? Or is my practice driven by the ego itself?

These frequent check-ins are necessary because the more we practice, the trickier ego gets. For example, you might start to practice due to some form of dissatisfaction or negativity in your life. As you progress, you may start to feel better about yourself and notice how your life is changing accordingly. Although that is great, it is still not the point, and that is when we should become extra careful, as it provides for a fertile ground for strengthening yet another aspect of the ego – its identification with spirituality.

So-called “spiritual ego” is a chronic condition of 21st century spiritualism. It is a trap that awaits for all of us that are on the path and if we are not aware of the challenge, we will most likely fall into it. How does this happen? Well, instead of stripping the “I” and deidentifying from the concepts, ultimately accepting its impermanence, we do the opposite – we continue to add more concepts to it. Now we are “getting there”, we are “good”, if not even “enlightened”. We “understand how things work”, we have the “solution”, the “remedy”. Our path is the “right one” – and very often, other paths are “lesser” or even “wrong” (hello religious wars and prosecutions!). And what is especially dangerous here, our practice starts to dissolute, eventually loosing its purpose and becoming a mere playground for the games of the ego. Our paths suddenly lead nowhere, but we still believe we are heading there and that we are doing the work.

I have personally wasted several years of my practice doing “work” that was not that, but just the ego entertaining itself. I would sit in what I believed to be meditation and indulge in various “visions”, getting completely lost in the story in my head, just the ones within the “spiritual”, “ethereal” genre. There was also a period in my ashtanga practice when I was focusing solely on asanas, wanting to conquer the next asana and then the next asana (Gotta catch ’em all, Pokemon!) and feeling so good about myself afterwards. It took some turmoil to realize that even yoga will only strengthen what is inside – and if I don’t keep my ego in check, it will just strengthen the ego.

What really made a difference is to change the perspective and focus on meticulous inner observance of concepts and identifications. Observing the voice in my head, realizing it is just that – a voice in my head – and taking space from it. Observing how the ego comes up with different concepts, identifies with them and then adds opposing concepts to the initial concept it created, causing inner distress but basically just entertaining itself. Loosening the great self-importance. Deidentifying with the roles and storylines. Stopping to take myself so serious. Lessening the judgement towards myself and towards the other. Accepting what is. Being present. Strengthening the awareness (Gurdjieff’s “remember thyself”) and tapping into space consciousness.

Any practice that guides you and/or gives you tool to cultivate such perspectives is more likely to point towards liberation then the one that keeps on inflating the ego under different “spiritual” concepts. For example – the traditional Buddhist and yogic meditations in which we aim to strengthen our presence by cultivating focused and prolonged attention on the anchor object of choice (breath / body sensations / mantra / etc.), observing the thoughts as they come and go and not engaging into them – evidently cultivate healthy perspectives helpful towards liberation.

In general, we should strive towards tradition and simplicity in practice, performing frequent sanity checkups. Here is a three-point self-check I tend to do before and while doing any kind of practice:

Is this here, rather then there?

Is this less rather then more?

Is this Being rather then I?

Remember, the ego is tricky but quite predictable. As long as it is some form of “I-ness”, it is still there, creeping in the dark and waiting for the opportunity to strengthen its position. Yes – it is the general condition of humanity and hence necessary for operating in this reality – however, we should still keep it healthy and in check. So when choosing your path and your practice, make sure to often go back to the baseline and be ruthlessly honest to yourself – am “I” really doing the work or am I just kidding myself? It will save you energy, time and money and ultimately bring simplicity and ease into your life. And finally, once you realize how everything is just a grand joke, I promise you will laugh like never before.

How to practice Tapas in Yoga

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Understanding yogic concepts is a life-long process, one that is tightly related to the energetic principles of human progress. As we progress on the path towards liberation, our insight gradually deepens, refining our understanding of the nature of reality.

The Path is that of a Spiral – hence we are not moving in circles, but rather going upwards.

While studying certain yogic principles (or any other teachings pointing towards liberation), an allegory of peeling an onion is often used. With each step we climb, we peel one more layer of our clouded perceptions, allowing the light of the being to shine through. Our minds become clearer and so does our cognitive understanding of reality. In other words, we gain the ability to observe the same concept from a new angle and hence deepen our understanding of what this really means.

I particularly like how this connects to the principle of philosophical thought that supports many different perspectives to the same object and holds them all as equal. However, the full understanding of that particular object can happen only once all of them are integrated. There are many different (and sometimes opposing) truths, yet they are all equal parts of the One. To put this in practice, let’s take a look the concept of Tapas in Yoga.

My understanding of tapas has developed over last 10 years, and will continue to do so over future years and lifetimes. My first encounter with this concept happened through my yoga teacher Marco during our studies of Patanjali Yoga Sutras. There it is written (following quote and translation from the commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda):

2.1: tapah svadhyayaeshvara pranidhanani kriya yogah

Accepting pain as help for purification, study of spiritual books and surrender to the Supreme Being constitute Yoga in practice

To be frank, when I first read this – I had no idea what it means. I was trying to understand it intellectually. My first perspective of tapas is that it meant exactly that – pain, austerity or hardship. At the time I was going through the hardships that were more gross rather then subtle, encompassing multiple aspects of my reality. Enduring that pain was in a way my first step towards liberation – as I understood how the pain is just the pointer to the things that need attending and how the only way to heal was going through it.

Through attending to some of the gross chunks of my conditioning, the grip of suffering loosened (a bit). I was inspired by the shift in my mind towards more clarity and peace. I could approach “old” yogic principles from a new perspective. Hence my understanding of tapas also shifted. Now tapas became the critical principle supporting my practice. Now tapas meant discipline. Overcoming inertia and resistance. Getting up every morning at 5:30am to do my Ashtanga practice. Changing my lifestyle accordingly. Sitting everyday in vipassana for at least 20 minutes. Committing every single dime and minute of my free time to the practice.

Through this discipline, I was able to grasp the concept of “inner heat” – yet another layer of the meaning of tapas. In this context, tapas means “to burn, to create heat” – as through heat, through fire – the impurities are burned and the veil of conditioning is further thinned. This concept can be grasped through experiencing the power of Tristana (Ujjayi, bandhas drsti) in Ashtanga yoga, or through the practice of Pranayama where the fire of breath is burning physical and mental impurities.

Through consistent practice, my experience of tapas becomes more subtle, more refined – and easier to be applied in everyday life. In this perspective, tapas is the space of “internal friction”, forging you in its fire like a blacksmith is forging steel. It is that space inside you where you are enduring and accepting discomfort patiently, surrendering to What Is. And it can be accessed anytime – allowing you to practice in all areas of your life. It can be found in that final push you do in the gym (forging your endurance and strength). It can be found in finding the will and the energy to attend to your child’s tantrum after a particular long day at work (forging your calmness and patience). It can be found in resisting that delicious birthday cake as you have committed to a certain nutritional plan for a month (forging your willpower and health).

While studying the broader applicability of Tapas, I have also encountered similar concepts (under different names) in both Jungian psychology as well as the work of G.I Gurdjieff. The following excerpt is from the book Women who Run with the Wolves, describing how tapas is understood through the lens of C.G Jung:

So, here in this underworld orchard awaits the gathering together of those powerful parts of the psyche, both male and female. They form a conjunction. This word is from alchemy and means a higher transformative union of unlike substances. When these opposites are rubbed together they result in the activation of certain intra-psychic processes. They act like flint struck against rock in order to make fire. It is through the conjunction and pressure of dissimilar elements inhabiting the same psychic space that soulful energy, insight and knowing are made.

Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women who Run with the Wolves

This “conjunction and pressure of dissimilar elements” is exactly that space that in yoga we call Tapas. What is created, what is forged out of that space, is created with Soul. Furthermore, G.I. Gurdjieff adds additional perspective to the same concept:

Fusion, inner unity, is obtained by means of ‘friction,’ by the struggle between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ in man. If a man lives without inner struggle, if everything happens in him without opposition, if he goes wherever he is drawn or wherever the wind blows, he will remain such as he is. But if a struggle begins in him, and particularly if there is a definite line in this struggle, then, gradually, permanent traits begin to form themselves, he begins to ‘crystallize.’

G.I. Gurdjieff

Gurdjieff also chooses the word “friction” – one that is created through inner struggle of natural oppositions. As we (gracefully) endure through such struggle – not giving in to the things that are not serving us and rather choosing the right thing – we begin to crystallize. In other words, our it is our ego, our mind that begins to crystallize, so that the light of the Being can more easily shine through.

To conclude, the concept of Tapas is not just limited to your yoga practice. It is relevant for all aspects of our lives. Wherever we go, whatever we do, it is in that space of inner friction where all good things are made. Remember that next time you are struggling with your willpower and motivation to stick to something that is hard but good for you. Just by going through that space in your mind, you will realize benefits that are far bigger then just the most immediate effects of that particular challenge. You will burn the impurities, you will crystallize and you will create Soul. What more can you ask?

Cyclical nature

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Much of the problems prevalent to western culture come from the discrepancy of how we measure time (linear) and how nature is (cyclical). The orders of linear time, as have been so rigorously established in the west, require our cyclical nature to succumb, resulting in severe friction in our systems and consequently – symptoms such as depression, anxiety and hormonal disbalances.

In other words, we were not designed to operate in a way modern society requires us to. This relates especially to women. Our systems operate in cycles – be it in the Life / Death / Life nature of our psyche or in the four phases of our Moon cycle – the same principle guides the way we think, feel, create and operate. Honoring that is a path to restoring our being and realizing our full potential.

I come from a high-profile corporate job that is all about productivity, delivery and deadlines – I used to work 16h per day and most weekends. In our culture, this is a path to career success, and there is no place for bad days, unproductivity or even your Moon cycle. You are required to show up every day to the task, regardless of how you feel, and constantly exceed some one else’s expectations. However, this way of operating is completely out of line with our cyclical nature, what will take a toll on your health eventually.

The toll I paid for forcing myself to fit into such imposed way of operating was Hashimoto thyroiditis, weekly migraines and irregular cycles. It wasn’t until I became a mother, that I finally stopped to observe and listen to my intrinsic cyclical nature.

So what it is about? First of all, whole universe operates in elliptical, repeating patterns. Planets circle the Sun, Sun orbits around the center of the galaxy. Other planetary bodies also follow highly elliptical orbits. Earth’s nature transforms through seasonal changes. Women’s moon cycles mimic the similar pattern:

spring / maiden / follicular phase

summer / mother / ovulatory phase

autumn / witch (wild women / luteal phase

winter / sage (wise women) / menstrual phase.

However, maybe the most interesting cyclical manifestation comes in the form of Life / Death / Life principle that governs human psyche (ouroboros). Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. And this creation destruction paradox is the foreground of any personal transformation, where old ideas are destroyed in service of the new news, where our unconscious projects archetypes to destroy conscious mind’s unhealthy ideologies.

As humans, we are often conditioned to fear destruction, to reject darker parts of the cycle. We fear our relationships to end. We fear our projects will fall through. We condemn rest as unproductivity. We cannot sit in silence. We cannot bear the thought of death.

To resist the darker, passive, destructive parts is to deny the essence of the cyclical nature. Creation and destruction are just different sides of the same coin. Embracing both sides and understanding their paradoxical relationship paws the way to a healthy psyche, to a healthy life.

In the unity and synthesis, both sides eventually strengthen and support each other, leading to a state of equilibrium. It is in this equilibrium where transformation occurs, as we become more susceptible to the space in between creation and destruction. This space in between is the space from which both have emerged and both will return to, the space where the coin of the cyclical duality has been forged and will again melt to the basic substances of consciousness.

Essence

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Mechanism of motherhood is an elaborate of a refined system that activates intrinsic talents and abilities unique to feminine aspect (the power of motherhood), and also shows us the path back home (the essence, being, source). The home, the essence, is the place from which all creation emerges – be it babies, art, projects, ideas, innovations – or any other form of (self)expression.

Being connected to the essence is something we all are by default, however, this connection might be blurred or covered by layers and layers of mind made concepts (thoughts, fears, personalities) – hence it might be difficult to feel it.

I want to talk how this essence feels like. At the beginning, I could only access it in meditation – the feeling was of abundance, warmth, tenderness – and a little bit of shyness. The space was suddenly filled with self-love. Then I noticed how the absence of the connection feels – dry, barren, automated. Strictness and roughness instead of self-love. And this was the feeling I was used to, the feeling I perceived as “normal”, everyday state.

When I became pregnant, the feeling of essence became more and more profound on its own. I decided to deliberately pursue it and cultivate the connection, feeling it more intensely in my body – coming from my ovaries and feeding into every cell inside out. What I found at the other end of this connection is that my essence – my being – has been waiting all this time to break through, waiting to be fully expressed in all of its wildness, strangeness, beauty and intelligence.

This is where the mechanism of motherhood comes from and leads back to. This is the most important relationship and the most sacred calling of every human being – to just BE.

I would like to finish by quoting G. Gurdjieff, as transcribed in the book by one of his most notable students, PD Ouspensky (In search of the miraculous):

In actual situation of humanity, there is nothing that points to evolution proceeding. On the contrary, when we compare humanity with a man, we quite clearly see a growth of personality at the cost of essence, that is, a growth of the artificial, unreal, and what is foreign, at the cost of natural, the real and what is in one's own. ere
Together with this we see a growth of automatism.
Contemporary culture requires automatons. And people are undoubtedly loosing their acquired habits of independence and turning into automatons, into parts of machines. It is impossible to say where is the end of this and where is the way out - or whether there is an end and a way out. 
One thing alone is certain, that man's slavery grows and increases. Man is becoming a willing slave. He no longer needs chains. He begins to grow fond of his slavery, to be proud of it. And this is the most terrible thing that can happen to a man.