Tag: practice

Chapters of Freedom: Embracing uncertainty

SunLeave a comment

Lately I have been experiencing anxiety. It arises from uncertainty about the future, stays with me for a while and then subdues into the abyss of unconsciousness. Despite unchanged external events, anxiety comes and goes, teaching me how the cause and the cure are not to be found outside, but are only to be addressed through fine-tuning of the inside.

To provide a bit of context – I have been standing on the verge of quite a change. I have been working for corporates for almost 10 years and have build a great career in one of the most demanding, impactful and prestige business environments, clinging on to certainty of such predetermined path to success. However, the more I unravel myself, the more I understand walking a predetermined path is not for me – I need to make it my own. I am yearning for freedom, independency and an adventure of building something limitless in its potential.

However, the anxiety I am experiencing is sometimes paralyzing. It craves for the known, for the promises of system’s security. It opposes to the nature of things, withholding me from jumping into the abyss of the unknown. It whispers: “You are not good enough. You will never succeed doing what you like. You have to compromise.” Coming from a post-war, post-communist Yugoslavia, such conditioning is embedded in my family and cultural heritage. I grew up believing money is bad and reserved to war criminals and thieves, success only happens if you come from a wealthy family, there is general scarcity of resources and we are built to work for and not to own.

Overcoming these limiting beliefs is an evolving process, and sometimes it seems never ending. Remember the path is that of a spiral – through dedicated practice, we keep on thinning our limiting beliefs by iterating lessons again and again, until the samskara (seed mental impression) itself dissolves. The victory is embedded in the process as growth is embedded in hardships. I made this blog about cracking the code on how to unravel – and for this particular code I found there are two main formulas to remember.

Uncertainty = Freedom = Creativity

First is to understand the mechanism behind the security/uncertainty coin. Security is nothing more then attachment to the known, to our past. There is no evolution in that, no creation, no expansion – just stagnation through stale repetition of outworn memories. Our tormentor today is our self left over from yesterday. On the other hand, uncertainty is the only place where something new can happen. If we have a clear idea of what is to happen, we shut down a whole range of possibilities. But if we step into the unknown, we open ourselves to limitless possibilities of creation. It is in our willingness to step into the unknown that we find freedom.

To be willing to step into the unknown, we need to accept and detach. To accept starts with accepting ourselves (our humanity) and to detach starts with understanding who we truly are (being). From detachment comes the freedom to create – as we let go of our past and tap into the limitless potential of our being. If we can experience the being, then we can experience detachment with ease – as detachment is embedded in the very nature of our being.

Confidence + Faith = Embracing uncertainty

Second is to practice our willingness to step into the unknown. This is done by cultivating two essential qualities: confidence (in ourselves) and faith (in universe). The first element – confidence – in my native language translates as self-reliance. In other words, to be confident for me means to be assured I can rely on myself in any situation. It is a combination of deep, peaceful feeling in my body and a clear intellectual understanding of the reason why. The feeling is of integrity, smoothness, lava like density and melted gold. The feeling supports intellectual understanding in a way it integrates it into our psychology by forming a new, positive belief and changing our responsive habits. There is a difference between mere intellectual processing of reason why I should be confident and integration of that reasoning into a new belief – and the difference lies in the feeling. The reason why (for example, my virtues, past achievements and skills) serve as a raw input, as the feeling then transforms it into a clarity of insight and finally forges it into a new belief. (To get a guidance on how to find the feeling, check the end of the post.)

The second element to embracing uncertainty is to have faith. To cultivate faith is to cultivate ishvara pranidana, our connection and surrender to the Source. For me, this happens two-folds. Firstly, I am re-discovering my faith through playful connection with different deities. All these deities for me represent an embodiment of a certain quality, certain sublime energy which is so pure and divine in its essence, that by finding and cultivating it in myself I remember my own divinity. Now the second layer comes in, because, guess what – the Divine IS the Source IS the Being IS You. So the next time when you practice resting in the being, try looking for that underlying connection to everything that is. When we experience awareness, we realize awareness is all-pervasive and all that exists in it is one and the same thing – is awareness itself. This insight happens when we overcome the illusion of ahamkara, the I-ness, or the primary concept of separation (I exist as an individual that is different from you). If there is no concept of I, then what is left is pure awareness without separation of the things that exist in that awareness. I do not exist as separate from you, as we both exist in our awareness. (To play a bit with the concept of separation, check the “You are the Sofa” meditation.)

By combining confidence and faith, we create a bulletproof tactic that strengthens our will to overcome whatever conditioning or negative feeling holds us back and to embrace the unknown. We become more assured that everything is gonna be alright, actually much better then alright – we understand that what awaits us is the next step in our evolution, an experience that is beyond our current capacity to imagine.

I will conclude by one of my favorite guidelines: Don’t overthink and just go into the fear. This is the very definition of courage and the only way to overcome whatever you are afraid of. Godspeed.

To cultivate confidence or any other virtue or positive belief, one first has to experience what it feels like in your body. This can be done through simple meditation.

  • Close your eyes and take some time to get yourself in a meditative state, either through pranayama or 10-min of breath focus meditation. It is important to get our minds a bit quieter and to be able to keep our focus steady for an extended period of time, as this skill will allow us to sink deeper into the feeling and gain insight.
  • Once your mind feels present and calm, focus on how your body feels, especially in the area of your first, second and third chakra. Then start repeating “I am confident”. The key is to keep your attention focused on your body, and your attitude in the position of the observer, while repeating the phrase.
  • Once you notice a subtle feeling in your body arising, go for it. It is as if you allow yourself – your attention – to sink deeper into that feeling, deeper into your flesh. Keep your focus on the feeling and allow it to grow until it overwhelms your attention. You will notice it has always been there, strong and present, and you just unraveled layers of noise in order to experience it more clearly.
  • Rest in that feeling for how long you need to get truly familiar in it and allow your process to unravel in a way that is specific to your system in order to integrate it. Whatever comes, embrace it and act on it – be it an insight, a self healing process, a continuation to different realizations or an urge to move. Finish in 10 minute savasana, releasing the experience.
  • You will find that it will become much easier to access this feeling on demand, even in our daily, busy monkey-mind consciousness. As a follow-up, sit and write down all the reasons why you can be self reliant (e.g. list of your skills, achievement, unique qualities, talents, education, etc.). Your intellectual understanding of the rationale behind will serve as a complementary piece to embedding your new belief and finally acting on it. Congratulations!

To experience a subtle insight on the illusion of separation, try this “You are Sofa” meditation:

  • Sit comfortably and take some time to quiet down your mind and enter the space, or in other words, to cultivate meta-awareness. Meta awareness is presence and awareness of everything: yourself and everything that exists outside of you. Keep you eyes opened and just notice what is around you.
  • Now choose one object to focus on, for example a sofa. Focus on the sofa and notice how it just exists there. Notice how your mind process the visual input of this object into a cognitive understanding how this object is what we call “a sofa” and what are its functions in relation to you.
  • Now notice a peculiar thing – existence of an external object in a relation to you. Notice the concept of I. Notice how it is nothing more but a concept, a thought. This concept is one of the primal components of your mind that allows us to experience and relate to the reality in the way we do, that defines us as humans. Will that sofa still be here if we remove the I? Most probably so. But it will cease to be a sofa, a concept whose functionality serves you, it will just be an unnamed object, unnamed thing that exists in the space and that you are able to perceive due to your senses.
  • Now notice how you can be aware of both the concept of a sofa and the concept of I. Play with the idea that, if you remove the concept of I, you remove the concept of sofa, you remove your cognitive understanding, processing and the storyline you have created about reality and all that is left is just awareness. Notice how everything just exists in awareness equally. In other words, the matter is the same, it just manifests in different forms. In other words, you are the awareness, are the sofa, are you.

Lessons I have learned from my baby

SunLeave a comment

Being a mom is not easy. Balancing between keeping my baby happy, healthy and safe and keeping myself happy, healthy and sane is a very delicate art. I am constantly failing, learning, succeeding and then failing again; at the same time praying that her future therapy bills will at least be lower then mine. However, it is a beautiful journey and we might as well enjoy it, even with all the hardships.

As a matter of fact, the trick is in the hardships – as they provide the best platform for self-reflection and development one might ever get and thus complete the experience of parenting. There is no greater motivation then for us to grow then for the sake of our children. And as humans, we only grow through hardships.

I decided to take my experience of being a mom as a catalyzer to finally integrate some of the biggest lessons I have been sitting with for quite some time – cultivating patience, nourishing gentleness, accepting imperfection and just surrendering to what is. Here is what I am talking about:

Patience is the best remedy to every trouble

Plautus

Oh patience. The first and foremost virtue I was always struggling with. Full of energy and ideas, my way of operating is to respond to inner impulses as they arise, leaving no time or space in between. In addition, the key underlying principle of my ego can be summarized in one sentence: I want now. And I always go and get it. I also have very low tolerance for discomfort, be it physical or energetical – so (in)ability to endure peacefully is not something I would pride of. Funny enough, I have my father – as my biggest role model – as a symbol of patience. He goes through life in a strong, persistent and peaceful pace and I have never seen him get swept away by restlessness. His ability to wait patiently – be it on my mother always being late or on a big milestone event – is something I thought would never be possible for me – until I became a mom and understood this is the only way forward. If I wanted to remain happy, healthy and a content, I needed to actively cultivate the virtue of patience. That meant accepting discomfort gracefully. Letting go of some of my immediate desires and self-imposed concepts. Accepting the present with grace. Humbling down my ego. Observing and listening.

It all begins with having patience with myself. Instead of focusing on the outer source of my frustration, I tune the attention inwards and observe my inner dynamics with compassion (tip: start by focusing on your breathing during a difficult situation). In creating space for whatever arises, a clam place can be found – where I can settle as a witness and gradually prolong my levels of tolerance. Slowly, slowly, I invite patience to settle in. Through determination and perseverance we nurture our friendship – I give her welcoming space to grow and she teaches me strength and humility.

Our greatest strength lies in the gentleness and tenderness of our heart

Rumi

After ‘oh patience’ comes ‘oh gentleness’. The same restless energy that is struggling with patience is also struggling with gentleness. My dynamic is quite fast, hence my energy tends to shoot out, what can sometimes be perceived as harsh, especially by a toddler. How I would hold her, how I would talk to her or move around the space in general. Nurturing gentleness requires conscious dedication to slow down, enter the present and mindfully interact with my baby. Consciously holding the soft, compassionate space as a gentle buffer for her experience and crystallizing this field through soft touch, voice or gaze.

Through cultivating such subtlety of interaction, it gets easier to read more profound cues and understand what exactly your baby needs. It also contributes to her confidence in exploring the world on her own – as she believes world is not just a safe but also a gentle place to play in.

One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist. Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.

Steven Hawking

Oh patience. Oh gentleness. Oh imperfection! Striving for perfection is impediment to growth. It can always be better and it will never be good enough exists only in our minds. Realizing this and letting go of perfectionism was my first step towards self-love and acceptance.

I have spend so much time and energy trying to get things perfect, be perfect, outperform or succeed. And no matter how many times I succeeded it was still never good enough. I would also take great pride in this commitment to “excellence and growth”, however completely oblivious that I am just looping over an ego-imposed concept and not really growing at all.

If perfection is our goal, we set ourselves up for failure. How our ego defines perfection is in a complete opposition to the nature of things – just the way they are. Becoming a mom was a great reflection point for me to finally accept my faults and failures for what they are – inevitable but equally valid as all my virtues and successes. This was possible only once I stopped judging – first myself and then others as well. I decided to love all the weak and dark parts of me and that is when I understood the power of self-integrity, compassion and forgiveness. In the end – nothing is perfect and nothing is imperfect – things are just the way they are.

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it

Anonymous

To cultivate patience, nourish gentleness and accept imperfection were all key milestones to the greatest art of all – surrender. Only when you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. You can ride the great wave of life in all its immenseness, awe and beauty. You let the life take you to places that you wouldn’t even imagine before. You let things happen to you and align with synchronicity. You let the universe express itself through you. You take part in a constant dance of creation and destruction, remembering who you really are – not just the part of the whole but the whole itself.

What is spiritual ego

SunLeave a comment

With an overflow of different “spiritual” paths and techniques on the “market” today, it can be particularly confusing to both experienced and new minds when deciding on which road to take. If you bring into the equation general recommendation to stick to one school – as constant jumping between is impediment to real progress – one may feel lost and eventually demotivated from cultivating dedicated practice.

We should start by aligning on the ultimate “goal” – which is that of liberation. There are different paths that lead to liberation, however, there are even more paths that lead nowhere. In order to differentiate between those, one needs to cultivate a meticulous habit of keeping the ego in check. Ego will play all tricks up its sleeve in order to avoid its own dissolution – and liberation implies dissolution of the ego.

The direction of any true practice is toward untangling the layers of illusion thus overcoming the false sense of self.

p.s. ego = the false sense of self

Although it is still an over-simplified statement, it does provide a good baseline for doing frequent checks while we progress, in order to make sure we are on track. We want to make sure of the direction we are heading. Is my practice lessening the grips of my conditioning and identification with temporary concepts that the ego mistakenly takes for its own identity, for the big “I”? Or is my practice driven by the ego itself?

These frequent check-ins are necessary because the more we practice, the trickier ego gets. For example, you might start to practice due to some form of dissatisfaction or negativity in your life. As you progress, you may start to feel better about yourself and notice how your life is changing accordingly. Although that is great, it is still not the point, and that is when we should become extra careful, as it provides for a fertile ground for strengthening yet another aspect of the ego – its identification with spirituality.

So-called “spiritual ego” is a chronic condition of 21st century spiritualism. It is a trap that awaits for all of us that are on the path and if we are not aware of the challenge, we will most likely fall into it. How does this happen? Well, instead of stripping the “I” and deidentifying from the concepts, ultimately accepting its impermanence, we do the opposite – we continue to add more concepts to it. Now we are “getting there”, we are “good”, if not even “enlightened”. We “understand how things work”, we have the “solution”, the “remedy”. Our path is the “right one” – and very often, other paths are “lesser” or even “wrong” (hello religious wars and prosecutions!). And what is especially dangerous here, our practice starts to dissolute, eventually loosing its purpose and becoming a mere playground for the games of the ego. Our paths suddenly lead nowhere, but we still believe we are heading there and that we are doing the work.

I have personally wasted several years of my practice doing “work” that was not that, but just the ego entertaining itself. I would sit in what I believed to be meditation and indulge in various “visions”, getting completely lost in the story in my head, just the ones within the “spiritual”, “ethereal” genre. There was also a period in my ashtanga practice when I was focusing solely on asanas, wanting to conquer the next asana and then the next asana (Gotta catch ’em all, Pokemon!) and feeling so good about myself afterwards. It took some turmoil to realize that even yoga will only strengthen what is inside – and if I don’t keep my ego in check, it will just strengthen the ego.

What really made a difference is to change the perspective and focus on meticulous inner observance of concepts and identifications. Observing the voice in my head, realizing it is just that – a voice in my head – and taking space from it. Observing how the ego comes up with different concepts, identifies with them and then adds opposing concepts to the initial concept it created, causing inner distress but basically just entertaining itself. Loosening the great self-importance. Deidentifying with the roles and storylines. Stopping to take myself so serious. Lessening the judgement towards myself and towards the other. Accepting what is. Being present. Strengthening the awareness (Gurdjieff’s “remember thyself”) and tapping into space consciousness.

Any practice that guides you and/or gives you tool to cultivate such perspectives is more likely to point towards liberation then the one that keeps on inflating the ego under different “spiritual” concepts. For example – the traditional Buddhist and yogic meditations in which we aim to strengthen our presence by cultivating focused and prolonged attention on the anchor object of choice (breath / body sensations / mantra / etc.), observing the thoughts as they come and go and not engaging into them – evidently cultivate healthy perspectives helpful towards liberation.

In general, we should strive towards tradition and simplicity in practice, performing frequent sanity checkups. Here is a three-point self-check I tend to do before and while doing any kind of practice:

Is this here, rather then there?

Is this less rather then more?

Is this Being rather then I?

Remember, the ego is tricky but quite predictable. As long as it is some form of “I-ness”, it is still there, creeping in the dark and waiting for the opportunity to strengthen its position. Yes – it is the general condition of humanity and hence necessary for operating in this reality – however, we should still keep it healthy and in check. So when choosing your path and your practice, make sure to often go back to the baseline and be ruthlessly honest to yourself – am “I” really doing the work or am I just kidding myself? It will save you energy, time and money and ultimately bring simplicity and ease into your life. And finally, once you realize how everything is just a grand joke, I promise you will laugh like never before.

Householder yoga: 2# Morning meditation

SunLeave a comment

Householder yoga series is a set of practical tools rooted in yogic tradition to help moms build up their daily practice amidst their new role, busy schedules and limited time for themselves. Each tool is integrated in the regular daily activities you are already doing with your baby, in a way that it builds on and expands the mom-baby relationship to directly serve your growth and development. The aim of this practice is to cultivate more awareness, enhance your wellbeing and integrate the power of motherhood; as well as to collect precious moments and have some fun with your baby.

For years now I have been starting my day with morning practice – meditation, pranayama, asana. Having a dedicated, disciplined routine helps to set my day, as well as to provide a container for consistency of inner work. After I became a mom, and especially in the first couple of months, it seemed impossible to find the time for myself, let alone to dedicate it to practice. However, as I was craving my inner peace more and more, two things happened.

First, I realized how, in the light of my new caregiver role, I don’t need to set aside a specific, dedicated time slot for when I meditate or work on myself. The meditation, the work should happen 24/7 – not just during couple of minutes/hours per day when we do our practice. Taking our practice off the mats and into our daily lives is the core of householder yoga. For example – we can cultivate focused awareness during any of our daily activities, just as we do so in meditation. As we carry out our endeavors with conscious presence, we begin to nurture the connection to the being, bringing more meaning and purpose to our daily lives.

Second, becoming a mother endowed me with beautiful intelligence supportive to the practice. I find it easier to connect to myself through the endless love for my baby, as well as to stay in the present moment through the joy she evokes in me. I have never been more motivated to practice focused awareness in order to be able to hold the space for my baby (more on that one soon), as well as to overcome my conditioning and expand my being in order to be the best mother I can be.

As a result, my morning practice evolved in a way that it builds upon our mom-baby morning routine, cherishing our connection, nurturing my baby’s development and supporting me in the work. For this beautiful morning meditation you do not have to set up designated alone time – you just need to include it in your “regular” encounters with your baby. Here is how:

Choose the activity: This meditation is recommended to do during the morning play time. However, as each mom-baby have a unique schedule, you will know best which of the morning activities you want to turn into your morning meditation. I choose playtime because it is enjoyable and spontaneous.

Prepare the space: Make sure you the two of you are comfortable and uninterrupted for the next 20 minutes. Set your meditation bell at 20 minutes for optimal timing.

Set your intention: Now, for the next 20 minutes, the goal is to stay fully present and to cultivate awareness. Decide to give your full attention to your baby while interacting through play.

Ease into meditation: You can start by looking at your baby and acknowledging your presence in the space. Observe how beautiful and magical he or she is. Listen to the sounds he or she is making. Connect to your heart through the love that naturally emerges.

Connect with the breath: Start to observe your breath. Take a couple of deep, long breaths, feeling how your diaphragm expands and contracts with each. During the meditation, the breath will be our anchor in the present moment.

Expand the awareness: As you start to play with your baby, bring awareness to every activity you perform. Be in the now. In order to give our full attention to what we are doing, we just need to observe it. It is that simple.

Keep the focus: Try to stay focused for as long as you can. If thoughts arise, just observe them come and go. If you catch your mind wandering away, gently bring the awareness back to breath first, and then expand it to whatever you are doing at the moment.

Wrap up: End by thanking your baby and your self for this moment. Remember the practice doesn’t stop here – you are invited to keep cultivating the awareness throughout your day. Just remember yourself. You can always use breath as your anchor to the present moment.

Tip – During the meditation, acknowledge the silent observer, the presence emanating deep within you, that which enables the space in which all things manifest. Whatever we do, the aim is to cultivate the connection to this part of ourselves, to our being. This is how we return home to our true selves.

Householder yoga: #1 Set your day

SunLeave a comment

Householder yoga series is a set of practical tools rooted in yogic tradition to help moms build up their daily practice amidst their new role, busy schedules and limited time for themselves. Each tool is integrated in the regular daily activities you are already doing with your baby, in a way that it builds on and expands the mom-baby relationship to directly serve your growth and development. The aim of this practice is to cultivate more awareness, enhance your wellbeing and integrate the power of motherhood; as well as to collect precious moments and have some fun with your baby.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle

Morning practice is – as every good yogi or meditator knows – absolute essential and a core foundation to our path of growth and development. However, there is something that precedes the morning practice – and it happens in first couple of minutes just after we open our eyes. This is the most crucial timeframe in which, whatever we do, sets up our awareness for rest of the day.

Hence as a first tool in the householder yoga series, I invite you to spend the very first moments of your day immersed in one of the most powerful feelings that instantly raise your vibration – gratitude.

You can do this by connecting with your heart and your baby and acknowledging the appreciation for this little miracle of life. I usually sleep with my baby so it comes very naturally – the very first thing I see when I open my eyes is her. It fills my heart with joy every single morning and brings a smile upon my face instantly. In case you don’t sleep together, I invite you to go get your baby as the very first thing you do after you wake up, in order to build a short practice of immersing into gratitude, joy and happiness.

What turns this seemingly regular mom-baby morning interactions into a powerful daily practice for rising your vibration is intention and awareness – we must have the intention of consciously experiencing these moments and purposely connecting to gratitude. Here is how:

  • This practice must be the very first thing you do in the morning, especially before you check your phone (which is not recommended to do within 1 hour after you wake up).
  • If you sleep with your baby – and she or he is the very first thing you see when you open your eyes – then all we need to do is to bring intention and awareness.
  • If you don’t sleep with your baby – I invite you to go get your baby as the very first thing you do
  • Once you have your baby next to you, first connect to you heart. Remember how blessed you are to be chosen as her or his mother. Remember how, even in the most difficult times, your baby is your biggest blessing.
  • Repeat a little prayer of gratefulness, be it in your thoughts or out load. You can use any of the prayers you already know and are connected to – or simply create a new one. Start by expressing gratitude to your baby for choosing you as her or his mother and deciding to become a part of your life. Then express your gratitude towards yourself for being such an amazing woman.
  • Close your eyes for a second and feel this gratitude deep in your bones, Feel every cell of your body whispering “thank you”. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, whisper “thank you” to the God or to the Universe for the miracle of life. Gently open your eyes.
  • You can continue by expressing gratitude for everything else you feel grateful for that day (e.g. your family, friends, pets, Mother Nature, food, creativity, work, etc.); or simply stay focused on the connection with your baby.
  • Observe the pure being, the pure essence of life that so naturally shines through our babies. Open your heart to their innocence and their intrinsic goodness. Let them wake up the same pureness that resides in your self, in your own inner child. Keep the attention focused in your heart area and connect to the gentle, warm kindness that resides there, intrinsic to every human being.
  • Stay couple of more minutes for some cuddles or ticklish laughs with your baby before you get up and start your day.
  • It helps to commit to doing this short practice daily for 21 days, in order to make it a habit. During this period, try to observe what else changed in your day as a consequence and write it down in your journal.

Cyclical nature

SunLeave a comment

Much of the problems prevalent to western culture come from the discrepancy of how we measure time (linear) and how nature is (cyclical). The orders of linear time, as have been so rigorously established in the west, require our cyclical nature to succumb, resulting in severe friction in our systems and consequently – symptoms such as depression, anxiety and hormonal disbalances.

In other words, we were not designed to operate in a way modern society requires us to. This relates especially to women. Our systems operate in cycles – be it in the Life / Death / Life nature of our psyche or in the four phases of our Moon cycle – the same principle guides the way we think, feel, create and operate. Honoring that is a path to restoring our being and realizing our full potential.

I come from a high-profile corporate job that is all about productivity, delivery and deadlines – I used to work 16h per day and most weekends. In our culture, this is a path to career success, and there is no place for bad days, unproductivity or even your Moon cycle. You are required to show up every day to the task, regardless of how you feel, and constantly exceed some one else’s expectations. However, this way of operating is completely out of line with our cyclical nature, what will take a toll on your health eventually.

The toll I paid for forcing myself to fit into such imposed way of operating was Hashimoto thyroiditis, weekly migraines and irregular cycles. It wasn’t until I became a mother, that I finally stopped to observe and listen to my intrinsic cyclical nature.

So what it is about? First of all, whole universe operates in elliptical, repeating patterns. Planets circle the Sun, Sun orbits around the center of the galaxy. Other planetary bodies also follow highly elliptical orbits. Earth’s nature transforms through seasonal changes. Women’s moon cycles mimic the similar pattern:

spring / maiden / follicular phase

summer / mother / ovulatory phase

autumn / witch (wild women / luteal phase

winter / sage (wise women) / menstrual phase.

However, maybe the most interesting cyclical manifestation comes in the form of Life / Death / Life principle that governs human psyche (ouroboros). Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. And this creation destruction paradox is the foreground of any personal transformation, where old ideas are destroyed in service of the new news, where our unconscious projects archetypes to destroy conscious mind’s unhealthy ideologies.

As humans, we are often conditioned to fear destruction, to reject darker parts of the cycle. We fear our relationships to end. We fear our projects will fall through. We condemn rest as unproductivity. We cannot sit in silence. We cannot bear the thought of death.

To resist the darker, passive, destructive parts is to deny the essence of the cyclical nature. Creation and destruction are just different sides of the same coin. Embracing both sides and understanding their paradoxical relationship paws the way to a healthy psyche, to a healthy life.

In the unity and synthesis, both sides eventually strengthen and support each other, leading to a state of equilibrium. It is in this equilibrium where transformation occurs, as we become more susceptible to the space in between creation and destruction. This space in between is the space from which both have emerged and both will return to, the space where the coin of the cyclical duality has been forged and will again melt to the basic substances of consciousness.

Essence

SunLeave a comment

Mechanism of motherhood is an elaborate of a refined system that activates intrinsic talents and abilities unique to feminine aspect (the power of motherhood), and also shows us the path back home (the essence, being, source). The home, the essence, is the place from which all creation emerges – be it babies, art, projects, ideas, innovations – or any other form of (self)expression.

Being connected to the essence is something we all are by default, however, this connection might be blurred or covered by layers and layers of mind made concepts (thoughts, fears, personalities) – hence it might be difficult to feel it.

I want to talk how this essence feels like. At the beginning, I could only access it in meditation – the feeling was of abundance, warmth, tenderness – and a little bit of shyness. The space was suddenly filled with self-love. Then I noticed how the absence of the connection feels – dry, barren, automated. Strictness and roughness instead of self-love. And this was the feeling I was used to, the feeling I perceived as “normal”, everyday state.

When I became pregnant, the feeling of essence became more and more profound on its own. I decided to deliberately pursue it and cultivate the connection, feeling it more intensely in my body – coming from my ovaries and feeding into every cell inside out. What I found at the other end of this connection is that my essence – my being – has been waiting all this time to break through, waiting to be fully expressed in all of its wildness, strangeness, beauty and intelligence.

This is where the mechanism of motherhood comes from and leads back to. This is the most important relationship and the most sacred calling of every human being – to just BE.

I would like to finish by quoting G. Gurdjieff, as transcribed in the book by one of his most notable students, PD Ouspensky (In search of the miraculous):

In actual situation of humanity, there is nothing that points to evolution proceeding. On the contrary, when we compare humanity with a man, we quite clearly see a growth of personality at the cost of essence, that is, a growth of the artificial, unreal, and what is foreign, at the cost of natural, the real and what is in one's own. ere
Together with this we see a growth of automatism.
Contemporary culture requires automatons. And people are undoubtedly loosing their acquired habits of independence and turning into automatons, into parts of machines. It is impossible to say where is the end of this and where is the way out - or whether there is an end and a way out. 
One thing alone is certain, that man's slavery grows and increases. Man is becoming a willing slave. He no longer needs chains. He begins to grow fond of his slavery, to be proud of it. And this is the most terrible thing that can happen to a man.

Householder yoga series

SunLeave a comment

As a dedicated seeker, I have spend more then a decade exploring and evolving my practice. I have tried different schools and teachings – from traditional ashtanga yoga and vipassana, to Christianity, plant medicine and Gurdjieff – just to name a few. In my experience, different teachings do call you when you are ready to receive them – as they all lead towards the same goal, only the paths slightly differ.

I had an established daily practice to which I was rigorously dedicated – kriyas, pranayama, asana (ashtanga sequence), chanting and mediation. Every night before bed time I would do some reading and studying, as well as some occasional journaling and dancing when I felt like I needed it. And I would do all that with a full-time successful business career in top tier strategy consulting.

Then I became a mom. My whole world shifted and at the beginning, the only time I had for myself was during the shower – so I literally made those 10 minutes of my life time for my daily practice. I would stand under the hot water with closed eyes, trying to feel every drop of the water on my skin. Nothing else existed. I needed it so much, that it was easy to quiet my mind, become fully present and enter the space.

Over time, as my daughter was growing, my body was rebuilding and my energy was getting stronger, it became much easier to manage. As mothers, we do get a new superpower of stretching time, however – priorities do shift, and with your baby being priority #1, you might find yourself lost among all other things that you need to get done (especially if you are a working mom).

Efficiently managing time is also one of the key milestones and among my top themes to address with this blog. Householder yoga series fits well under this umbrella topic – as here I want to share insights on how to best utilize time you spend with your baby so that is serves your growth and development.

This comes from my own need to keep yet transform my daily practice so it fits into my current life schedule. Hence the name – householder yoga. In traditional Indian culture, there are 4 stages of yogi’s life: Brahmacharya (Student), Grihasta (Householder), Vanaprasthya (Hermit) and Samnyasa (Renunciate). Householder yoga series is about switching your practice from Student phase (e.g. couple of hours on the mat or sitting in meditation) to Householder phase (taking your practice from the mat/meditation pillow into your daily life).

Each week I will post one tip on how to use a certain technique or tool during daily activities with your baby, in order to cultivate more awareness, enhance your wellbeing and expand your power of motherhood. You will be collecting moments with your baby that are most peculiar and precious because you are being conscious and present, as well as learn what it means to hold space for your baby. And of course – have some fun!